Wednesday, April 1, 2009

What's my payoff?

Okay, this book The Only Diet There Is is really making me think. It talks about the payoffs people have for being overweight. Real and secret rewards. Rewards? Payoffs?

I get to prove that I am not perfect.
It is okay for me, Donni, to be perfect.

I get to hold a grudge against my grandmother for being so persnickety about food and manners.
It is okay for me, Donni, to stop holding a grudge against my grandmother. She's passed on anyways.

I get to be angry at myself
It is okay for me, Donni to be happy with myself.

I get to wallow in my self loathing
It is okay for me, Donni, to feel self-love.

I get to be the wounded child
It is okay for me, Donni, to be a strong, healthy adult.

I get to punish myself
It is okay for me, Donni, to forgive myself.

I get to be less than others
It is okay for me, Donni, to be equal with others.

I get to keep men from wanting men.
It is okay for me, Donni to be wanted by men. (plural? really? okay!)

I get to be lazy.
It is okay for me, Donni, to be active and ambitious.

I get to have a problem with compliments.
It is okay for me, Donni, to graciously accept compliments.

I get to continue not believing in myself.
It is okay for me, Donni, to believe in myself.

I get to continue not trusting others.
It is okay for me, Donni, to trust others.

I get to isolate myself from others.
It is okay for me, Donni, to surround myself with other people.

I get to eat anything I want and feel miserable about it
It is okay for me, Donni, to eat anything I want and feel great about it.

I get to cast judgment over what I believe to be "healthy" food
It is okay for me, Donni, to believe that all food is healthy.

I get to cast judgment over what I believe to be "unhealthy" food
It is okay for me, Donni, to stop judging food.

I get to have a reason to fail
It is okay for me, Donni, to succeed.

I get to whine, blat, cry, fuss and complain
It is okay for me, Donni, to express myself with joy and happiness.

I get to have others feel bad for me
It is okay for me, Donni, to have others feel happiness for me.

I get to have others worry about my health
It is okay for me, Donni, to stop worrying about my health.

I get to feel like I fit in with the other obese family members
It is okay for me, Donni, to be at a healthy weight and to be a good roll model of health.

I get to worry about my mortality
It is okay for me, Donni, to celebrate my mortality.

I get to blame obesity for everything
It is okay for me, Donni, take responsibility for my life.

I don't have to shave my legs on a regular basis
It is okay for me, Donni, not to shave my legs unless I really want to.

I don't have to be stylish
It is okay for me, Donni, to be stylish. Glamorous even!

I don't have to be girly
It is okay for me, Donni, To be mega-girly! Pink from head to toe!

I don't have to be seen
It is okay for me, Donni, to be seen, heard, and remembered.

I don't have to think about my sexual desires.
It is okay for me, Donni, to be sexy.

I don't have to be afraid of people seeing me exercise and being so uncoordinated.
It is okay for me, Donni, to fall flat on my face and get back up and start again. Let them look all they want!

I don't have to hide behind the "funny fat girl" image.
It is okay for me, Donni, to be funny, smart, sassy, bitchy, and anything else I choose to be.

This is liberating. Scary as hell to be this open! But liberating.

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